Growing up, I believed the lie that I should have been a professional at “X” by age 18 to be any good at it, ever. This belief was only solidified by the internet since I’m often finding videos or articles about young proteges whose talent surpasses the trained skill of many a professional in whatever creative field. More and more, I’ve come to learn that this belief is a falsehood and I’d be better off to squash it.
After relocating to Alabama I embarked on a long and involved job hunt. It was drawn out in part due to the fanciful desire to work for a company that I could latch onto for the long-term and a desire to find a position that suited my strengths.
I’d love to say that I don’t ever fall into worry but that just wouldn’t be true.
In my experience, it really depends on the situation. Sometimes I surprise myself with a carefree attitude – it is what it is; I have no power over the situation so I’ll let it go, etc. etc. Those experiences are so freeing and it makes me wonder why I even bother worrying about anything ever. And then three minutes later I find myself worrying over the most minuscule detail that nobody in the world – save me – would care about.
Recently I’ve been experiencing a new thing – the night-time worry. I’ve never really been one to wake up in the middle of the night, but the last week or so has been different. I’ll wake up for some reason or another and my brain leaps into action:
There is so much to do before we move! Are we missing an important to-do item? What if I can’t find a job in Alabama? Am I a good wife? What bad habits have I developed since getting married? Why does the heater sound like a dying whale every time it kicks on? Can a heating unit explode? Maybe I should wake The Engineer to ask him…
Somehow life seems a little more … well, nerve wracking at night, am I right? Yet in the morning life seems fresh and any basis for worry is easily rationalized away. I’ve found that diving into prayer is one of the most soothing ways to calm not only the over-active brain but also the knot-filled spirit.
It’s a mixed bag, this worry. While it causes a bit of sleeplessness, it also drives me right into the arms of the Lord. Which is where I’m pretty sure He wants me to be.